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| WARNING! Do not enter if you have recently been called one of the following: wuss, coward, weakling, chicken, little girl (unless, of course, you are an under aged female), yellow, French, or any of the synonyms for "vagina." This page is dedicated to all things HARDCORE. Don't know what hardcore is? LEAVE MY PAGE NOW. Wuss. For those of you left, you're about to go through some of the most GRUELING, PAINFUL, HEARTWRENCHING, BLOOD SOAKED, RIP-YOUR-BALLS OFF AND PLAY BADMINTON WITH THEM moments of yours or any other pitiful excuse for a human's life. Still with me? Good. Now, to make sure that we're on the same page, here's a list of some things that are HARDCORE and some things that most decidedly aren't. |
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HARDCORE |
Not so Much |
| William Wallace | Wilford Brimley |
| That dude that jumped in the water and beat the hell out of the shark that bit his nephew's leg off. |
sushi |
| Vikings | the French |
| Staring into the face of a certain death and saying "Fuck you!" before spitting on the spy/soldier/alien/grizzly bear who is about to torture/shoot/anal probe/gut you. |
Justin Timberlake |
| Rugby | Metrosexuality |
| Tacos | Personalized License Plates |
| Old School Metallica | Old School Wham |
| Pushing your 2 1/2 ton car three miles up hill "just cause." | Pilates |
| Lifting weights | Living with your mom |
| Wearing a blood stained shirt | Hair care products |
| Bragging to your friends about kicking some dude's ass |
Bragging to your friends about kicking some dude's ass in a video game |
Still with
me? Good. I've got some of the hardcore pages on this site listed below.
Check them out... NOW.
DO IT!!!
GO SEE TROY NOW. I would normally not recommend rushing out to see any movie, as the two hours you spend watching a movie could have spent lifting weights or fighting a bear, but this movie is so HARDCORE that my eyes bled while watching it. Go see it NOW, and if anyone tells you otherwise, hollow their skull out and use it for a cereal bowl. If they have a problem with that, tell them to come to me. Then hollow out their skull anyway. Wheaties tastes great in a skull bowl.
posted on 6:11 PM
Saturday, February 28, 2004
HARDCORE MOVIE DEATHS
Okay. So, we were talking about great movie deaths tonight, and it inspired me to compile a list- "Most Hardcore Movie Deaths." This will be accompanied by "Least Hardcore Movie Deaths." Enjoy.
Most Hardcore Movie Deaths
10) Robert Shaw in "Jaws"
Robert Shaw fighting the shark with a knife and then getting eaten? Awesome.
9) Brad Pitt in "Legends of the Fall"
You don't really get to see it, but getting killed in battle with a bear is pretty effin' hardcore.
8) Robert Carlisle and Guy Pierce in "Ravenous"
C'mon. These guys die fighting one another, crushed in a bear trap, trying to eat each other. Yep. Hardcore.
7) James Earl Jones in "Conan the Barbarian"
Getting beheaded by Conan is pretty hardcore. "This is CN-uck!"
6) Bill the Shopkeeper in "Man of Mans"
OH. MY. GOD. Bill the shopkeeper goes out with style (or, as Bill would say, "Es-Tee-Isle, my man"). Make sure you watch this one on the Criterion Collection DVD in slow mo. Makes me puke.
5) Bruce Lee in "The Chinese Connection"
A) It's Bruce Lee, bitch. B) He dies jumpkicking an army with rifles.
4) Russell Crowe as Maximus in "Gladiator"
How many people get to die taking out their arch nemesis after getting beat up and drained of blood?
3) Mark Dacoscas as Mani in "Brotherhood of the Wolf"
Whoah. Naked. Armed only with a tomahawk. Fights the giant Beast. Fights thrity guys. Kicks major ass.
2) Buliwyf in "The Thirteenth Warrior"
I love this one. Buliwyf's half dead. He can barely walk. He drags his sword out to the field of battle. His men stare in awe as the enemy army approaches. Buliwyf intones the Viking prayer for the dead for himself and rushes headlong into battle. Sends chills up my spine.
1) William Wallace in "Braveheart"
This one's obvious. Horrendous tortures are applied to Wallace. When given the opportunity to die and end the pain, he screams out "Freedom!" Makes me cry every time.
Yeah. I said I cried. What of it?
Least Hardcore Movie Deaths
10) Leonardo DiCaprio in "Titanic"
9) Julia Roberts in "Steel Magnolias"
8) Barbara Hershey in "Beaches"
7) Richard Gere in "Pretty Woman"
6) Robert Dinero in "Bang The Drum Slowly"
5) Ally McGraw in "Love Story"
4) Wilson in "Castaway"
3) Bambi's Mom in "Bambi"
2) Tom Hanks' wife in "Sleepless in Seattle"
1) Integrity in any of George Lucas' new films
posted on 8:47 PM
Sunday, February 15, 2004
Check out the march issue of INSIDE KUNG-FU. It's on sale now. One of Brad's articles is in there with goofy pictures of Brad and George beating the tar out of one another.
posted on 6:47 PM
