Today's Hardcore Workout is...
VOMIT RUNNING!

That's right, today we're gonna get you to run until you hurl. Sure, this may not sound like a goal that you have set for yourself (unless you're bulimic, of course) but trust me: once you have crossed the threshold of this inscrutable barrier, there is nothing that you cannot do.

And if you're too much of a wuss to vomit, just do the workout without the throwing up part. Kinda defeats the purpose, though, don't you think?

Phase One
Okay, start with a light jog to warm up. Stretch out good, too. Then you're going to run at a brisk pace for about fifteen minutes. I find that listening to some heavy metal music or having a rabid dog chase me helps me keep the pace up. When you are done with this, take a small breather before moving on to Phase Two.

Phase Two
This is where we start crossing the aerobic/anaerobic threshold. Lightly jog for a couple of minutes then break into a full out sprint for 50 yards. Come out of the sprinting into light jogging again. Repeat this between 3 and 10 times, depending on what kind of shape that you're in. Take a breather, then move onto Phase Three.

Phase Three
Run as fast as you can sustain for a long period (not sprinting, but not far from it). After 60 seconds, drop and do 10 push-ups. Run for another 60 seconds, then do 25 squats. Run another 60 seconds, do 10 diveboombers. Then start with the push-ups again and go through the whole cycle. Do this until you throw up.

If you want to make the exercise more difficult, i.e. puke sooner, try some of the following suggestions:
- wear a weighted vest or backpack
- use a light dumbbell to include some dumbell snatches and clean-and-presses in your workout
- drink a gallon of milk before your workout

Try it, enjoy it, and puke it up.

Until next time...
Keep it hard!
posted on 6:28 PM

Sunday, February 29, 2004

 
Hardcore Workout #1

CPI

What is CPI? It stands for "Car Pushing Insanity!"
"That sounds crazy," you say. It is. "That sounds like it will hurt." It does.
Let's break this down. To do this work out, you will need:

-a flat or slightly inclined street
-a partner
-a car
-4 limbs

Got all that? Good. Let's get started.

POSITIONING THE CAR
Before doing anything else, warm-up thoroughly. This could include some light jogging, jumping jacks, push-ups, and/or wrestling an alligator. You might wish to stretch a little first.
Next, you want to position your automobile. This is very important. Put your partner in the driver's seat. Put the car in park, roll the window down, and make sure the radio is OFF. The driver needs to hear your commands.
The street that you perform this insanity on should be flat or slightly inclined, but NOT declined.The car will get away from you going downhill. Nothing looks funnier than some guy in gym shorts chasing a car down. Trust me, I know.
The engine should not be running. This is important. With his foot on the brake, the driver should put the car into neutral. Get behind the car and place your hands on the bumper. Unless you want to burn your delts up, keep your elbows bent and your body close to the car.

PUSHING THE CAR
Okay, now the fun starts. Signal your partner verbally to let him know it is time to release the brake. Now, bend at the knees and push the car, moving it forward as fast as you can. Make sure to really dig your heels into the ground when pushing. If you start to tire, signal your partner to press the brake down. Do not let the car roll back over you. This is important, as you may die otherwise.
Start with a quarter of a mile and work up to a mile. You can also progressively increase the size of the automobile (Pinto- Lexus- Ranger- Mini-Van- Hum-V- Cessna- USS Alabama) or find a steeper hill. This last can be dangerous as the car has a tendency to roll back onto you with a steeper hill. We don't know why this is, but remember that the the car rolling back onto you is dangerous and should be avoided if it can.
You and your partner should rotate pushing the car, unless one of you has been killed. This sometimes happens when performing this exercise. I would highly recommend calling 911 or AAA is this happens.
Perform this workout no more than once a week (less if you or your partner has died). After a month of doing this, you should see increases in your leg, back, and shoulder strength.
Until next time.....
Keep it hard!!!


posted on 12:06 PM